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If you were to hear a close friend or relative say to you that they hate themselves or hate their life you would immediately jump to a million reassurances of why they are enough, tell them that they are loved, etc. As a millinnial though these thoughts and behaviors have become normalized and are taken in a joking sense. Think about it you could probably list three people you have on social media who hate the way they look, are always sad and alone, or hate their life overall; we overlook these details as people wanting attention and yes sometimes this is the case but more times than not these are cries for help. Check on your friends. Asking if someone is ok is a start but dont take yes or no for an answer, make sure they are truly ok. Our generation has normalized phrases like "kill yourself", "I hate my life", "I want to die" etc. and although the phrases are often used jokingly there is often a lot of truth behind them. The girl or guy who says that says it out loud because they find a safety net in knowing that others will find it as a joke, but honestly they mean it. Now this isn't a suicide prevention post but this is a post about loving yourself, to love your life you must love yourself first and here are some tips on how to do that.
1. Make yourself a priority: Why is it that we think to treat others well we have to let ourselves rot away? If you can't take care of yourself then you can't take care of others period. Imagine yourself as a full tall glass of water and everyone around you is a short glass with no water. If you are pouring water into others and not pouring into yourself, wont you run out of water? Wont you come to the end of yourself?
2. Don't Wallow: This rule of thumb is for my procrastinators and for my people who tend to avoid problems, this is also me, I am right there with you. When we encounter a problem it's easy to sit and stare and wonder what to do and then decide to do nothing, but then we continue to complain about how much our life sucks and how we can't get past this problem. Looking at it written out how stupid does that sound? Extremely stupid. It doesn't even have to be a huge life crises, say you are tired of laying in bed and it makes you feel like crap, do something about it!!! Even if it's something small; go sit in a different seat, get off of your phone, try something you haven't done in a while, talk to a friend, go for a walk; you will feel more productive and hopefully have a clearer mind.
3. Counteract Your Inner Demons: You will eat yourself alive before anyone else's words or actions will, so any negative thought that comes into your mind counteract it. You are what you believe, you are worth as much as you make yourself out to be. If you feel ugly today dress up, take a shower, and look at yourself and say I am pretty. If you feel fat look at your body and thank him/her for everything its done for you; your love handles need love, your chubby cheeks still need smiles, and your core needs hugs. Your body protects your organs and provides a home for your mind and heart, but it's your job to protect your mind and heart from others. Know that demons are going to come at you from every direction, with this being said you do not need your own inner thoughts to attack you in the process, you need your inner thoughts to attack the outside when the world tries to tear you down.
4. Welcome Change: If you don't like who you are, change. If you don't like who you are constantly around, change. If you don't like your day to day life then change. I once heard "If you look at the people in your circle and don't get inspired then you don't have a circle you have a cage." And I think that quote holds true to a lot of things, we are constantly boxing ourselves in the spaces others make for us instead of making a new space for ourselves. We have the whole earth to ourselves, never allow someone to tell you that you don't have space, space to grow as a person, space to change who you are, space to make new beginnings, space to change and evolve. Change is harder than it may seem or maybe it's easier for you but it is not impossible.
Personally this past year when I was going through a hard time I decided to focus on myself and do things that made me happier, here are some of the things I did if you want to give them a try:)
I moved out
Spent more time with the people I felt most loved around
Indulged in different hobbies to take relax and de-stress but not to distract.
I journaled the good, the bad, and everything inbetween.
I re-discovered myself and looked within rather than looking for myself in others.
Found joy in nature
Found peace in the messiness of art.
And the biggest thing I did was take videos of every good moment and everything cool that I did. When I look back over this year I sometimes feel like I did nothing with my life and never spent time with my friends and its at these moments that I look back at my video to see the happiness I held and how well spent my year has been. I made my first video for fun and now I am making a second one because I liked the first so much, plus think about how nice it will be to look back at your life in different stages as you grow up. Your life is ultimately the hardest, longest project you will ever work on so work on it well.
Atticus Finch from "To Kill A Mockingbird" once said "We drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel so sick." Whenever you feel like you aren't loved, you aren't good enough, feel like your life sucks, etc. please take a look within yourself before you try to find happiness in others or before you push the feeling aside all together and pretend to be ok. You will get through life with the good times, but you make progress and show growth during the bad times.