Addiction

To say addictions suck would be beyond an understatement. Addictions grow, control, and kill. Addictions aren't asked for they are unconsciously formed until one realizes they are incapable of stopping. Recently I had someone share their story with me and they want others to know, this is their story.

Coming across their drug began in seventh grade when hanging out with a group of friends. From prior knowledge and prior friends she knew not what the drug was but how to apply it. She used, she got high, she was terrified, then she was happy. Two days later she decided to use again, because why not? The second time she wasn't as scared and the third time she had gotten used to it. She learned what it was and knew it was bad, but if it didnt get to the point of dying and no one knew about it then what was the harm in doing it?

For someone who struggled with her family and was left at home alone all the time her drug was what she turned to. A bad crowd was also something to turn to; even as her friends left her the drug never did and no one knew she was still doing it. It had the power to make her happy, make her forget, and keep her occupied. Even then she knew she was young and she shouldn't be doing what she was, but why did it matter it wasnt going to become a habit and it's only for fun right? Wrong.

Years later sophomore year is around the corner and her "fun" has gone on for too long, she wants to quit. Quitting is easier said then done. How can anyone expect to cut something out of their life when it has brought them comfort and peace in their hard times, even if the peace was blacking out in order to forget it was peace nonetheless. At first she tried to stop all at once, she failed, she couldn't keep herself from coming back and each time she did it was like a downward spiral of getting attached all over again. She tried limiting herself to a few times a month - failed, a few times a week - failed, this only fed her addiction more as she would withdrawl and then satisfy her cravings after a longer wait. Before she knew it using became an everyday thing. It had long gotten out of hand, repeatedly time after time she tried new techniques trying to end what she started. It was sophomore year that she realized that she had an addiction. When junior year came and there was too much to focus on to even think about her mental health. The plan to quit her addiction fell into the background as using her addiction as a way of survival to get through the year took center stage.

When junior year ends it's finally summer time and she uses like she normally does. She takes a second look at her addiction when cheer camp is approaching, she would never want her teammates judging her off her addiction and she wouldnt want to jeopardize her spot on the team. She decides to leave everything involving her addiction at home and she had a memorable week at camp, coming back home was a different story. Being sober for a week shouldn't have felt long but it did. She craved during those seven days and coming back home where her drug was easily accesible and there was no one to stop her or catch her she used again and again. Her addiction reached a peak, using 3 to 4 times a day was her new normal. This went on for four days until day five she felt off. She was cold, shaky, had bloody noses, and then couldn't keep from throwing up; for the next 16 days she barely ate and threw up about four times a day randomly without warning. In those 16 days she did not use because she knew she had essentially overdosed and this was her body yelling at her to stop. This is when she decided that she really, reallyy wanted to stop.

This year begins year six of her addiction, she doesn't want to complete year 6, fighting five years have already been enough. She's been trying to eat more, she's let the people closest to her know, and she's turned to other objects of enjoyment. To help her quit she has decided to re-direct her focus to another area in her life: adrenaline. She has always been on the adventurous side but now she wants to live her life with no restraints. Adrenaline gives a similar feeling of a heart beat quickening, shortness of breath at times, and then a feeling off bliss. The difference is with adrenaline she is not putting something harmful into her body, she is living intentionally rather than trying to forget, and her adrenaline rushes are from experiences that she can be proud of instead of an addiction that she has to hide and feel ashamed over.

The road to recovery may be long, but she already took the first step in choosing the path of sobriety.